I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
