So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize