i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
