If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
