apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
