There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
