Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
