I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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