Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
