She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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