Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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