i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
