so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
