the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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