she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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