I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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