It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
sarcasm needs its own font
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
