did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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