You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
