a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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