when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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