I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
