May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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