but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
