Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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