I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize