I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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