Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
