I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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