mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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