Welp...herpes.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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