ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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