friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
