when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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