Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
