I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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