I CAN MOONWALK!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
