It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
tell me about the eggs
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
