she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
