i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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