I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
