Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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