I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i drank out of a bidet.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
