Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
