i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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