So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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