come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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