Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
