HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
