I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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