I wanna passion pit in your ass
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
