I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
