That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
