Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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