I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
