i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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