Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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