At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
