and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
