not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
