I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
