I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
