Little spoons don't ask big questions
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
