And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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