it wasn't lemon gatorade
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
