yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
