I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
