I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
