You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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