You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
