...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
