apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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