; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
