Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
