I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
