Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
