He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
