i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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