Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
