He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
