i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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