Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
