Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
